December 29, 2009

Lainey We Have A Problem

As predicted Lainey, your buddies the skeptics have posted your review of Nine. Well Pauline Kael you're not. But besides the problem we have with you coincidentally skewing the review to suit your anti-Kidman agenda, there's more than a few things that don't add up in your critique.

Forgot to mention that we saw Nine on the weekend.

Sure. It was horrible and starred your least favorite A-list actor and yet it slipped your mind.

They’re right. Wasn’t great.

Who is? We'd love names. The critics who proved in their reviews that they don't know the difference between 8 1/2 the film, and Nine the musical? The critics that thought Nine was a musical adaptation of the film? The critics who were too slow to figure out Kidman was not playing Italian icon Claudia Cardinale, as incorrectly reported in the press? The critics that said Nicole Kidman's Italian accent was terrible? Because the truth is she was playing a Swedish actress. Her character name, Claudia Jenssen, was all over the film including a life-size poster. The critics who say it was too long when in fact a large number of songs were excluded and each female characters segment was down to a few scenes and one song with the exception of Marion Cotillard.

It was however great for Jacek who was nearly paralysed with want for Marion Cotillard. As far as he’s concerned, she is the only name on his Freebie 5, with Penelope Cruz, who was also sublime, a distant sixth.

That's wonderful for Jacek but totally irrelevant.

But the film, well, it’s terribly paced.

It's a film about a man's internal crisis. If you want something with a quick pace go buy a ticket for In The Loop. Heard of it?

And at times boring.

Why? You can't elaborate even a little?

And the Kate Hudson part is completely gratuitous and insulting.

Kate Hudson's part was a reworking of a different character from the musical. Her part is meant to be nothing more than an ego boost to Guido Contini. A representative of the many random women he beds when his mistress is unavailable. But more importantly, the end of Kate's scene was a turning point in the film. Personally I felt Kate as a singer...wonderful. Kate as a dancer....wonderful. Kate as an actress....cringe. Not that she can't act. It simply was that her modern vibe and presence felt completely out of place in 1960's Italy. I didn't buy she was a 60's woman on the verge of the sexual revolution. She was a woman who owned every episode of Sex and The City on DVD.

But insulting you say? You have a list permanently posted on your site of people you'd like to sleep with if you had the chance. We aren't buying your outrage.

And everyone I know who has seen it hates Nicole Kidman so much,

Straight out of the skeptic playbook ladies and gentleman....EVERYONE you know....

with the exception of my friend Dan (he loves musicals and has been chomping to see this movie for months) who turned it off after 30 minutes because, in his words, Nine is “f-cking unwatchable” so he couldn’t stick around long enough to witness her sucking.

Here's where you don't make any sense. Your friend Dan...he turned it off? So he received a DVD screener? Industry award voter? In any case if he has a DVD all he would need to do is use the FF button on his remote to see Kidman's big scene. However, Kidman appears within the first 5 minutes. In fact she is the very first woman to appear on screen in the film. And he probably saw the scene that's not in any of the trailers where Kidman and Daniel Day-Lewis are sitting in his hotel room. Why the need to fabricate stories?

Perhaps the biggest omission was you didn't actually comment ("sucking" doesn't count) on Kidman's singing or acting. But we will. Well she was wonderful. But what hasn't been said in any review out there is the transformation of her character within minutes. We see Claudia the diva moviestar who even on set lives up to public image. And then as she's waking through Italy with Guido her real self emerges, the real person she wants Guido to see her as but can't. As that happens she breaks into song. Simply stunning.

Once again Lainey Lui your true colors shine through, and they aren't pretty.


Anonymous said...

Lainey who? Do you mean the Lainey Arms of Mary from Urban Myths writes to all the time to scoop her on the "inside info" Taralea gives her? BAHAHAHAHAHA!

It's no wonder Lainey isn't on tv anymore. She never checked her sources. If she had, she would have found out those "Nashville sources" were actually old women in Denver and Iowa, not Nashville.

Anonymous said...

Sorry but as far as I knew "Nine" the broadway musical is based on Fellini's "8 1/2" and so therefore the film version is ultimately based on the original.

countrycat said...

It reads like Lainey didn't even watch the film. She fell asleep in her seat and wrote a paragraph that said nothing. But she made sure to get her jabs into Nicole!

I was glad to see the film with the audience I ended up in. There was applause at the end, that's how much we liked it. It's a good movie with not a bad egg in the bunch, but the thing that kept me from absolutely loving it were the songs. I don't know the stage show but the only songs I loved were Marion's "My Husband Makes Movies" and Nicole's "Unusual Way".

Anonymous said...


Tells me one thing......... SHE NEVER SAW THE MOVIE AND LIED TO PANDER TO HER HATER AUDIENCE. The only ones who know she even exists!

She plants stuff in her column that they feed her, so they can quote her on E!. Now thats a glowing career ! LMAO

Guess she will go down in flames just like they are!

Really funny!

Anonymous said...

Her next comment should be:
By the way, I forgot to say, I NEVER SAW THE MOVIE..


We are desperate!

SkewerMistress said...

Anon, Nine the musical is very loosely based on 8 1/2. Very. Fellini, although he approved had no hand in it and did not want to be credited in any way. Nine the film is the movie version of the musical but characters have been altered, new songs written, many songs not used.

Anonymous said...

It doesn't matter if Lainey's imagination doesn't like Nine. It doesn't matter if the Skeptics don't like Nine. Nine is up for award after award after award. That says more than any hater ever did.

They say Nicole has no career but she still keeps working and is admired and respected by her peers. They say Keith's career is dying but he's on every top list thru the decade and is hotter and more popular now than ever. They say the marriage isn't real yet Keith and Nicole have been together for almost 5 years. They say Nicole didn't have Sunday and Keith is sterile but Sunday Rose looks exactly likee Keith, has Nicole's strawberry blond curls and Nicole was breast feeding Sunday on the set of Nine according to her co-stars. Everything the Skeptics has said over the past 5 years is a lie.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

The Urban family just keeps on living THEIR lives and
apparently the haters can't figure out WHY! LMAO

They can't seem to figure out why they buy groceries, have fun times together, drink coffee, HAVE JOBS , dress up and go out to dinner, stay home and eat in, love going to the movies, love being together.........



SkewerMistress said...

This is the skeptics' dirty little secret. It is about Nicole and it isn't. They won't admit to you that before Kidman came into the picture they trashed his previous girlfriends. The same ones they say on the E! thread were martyrs for sticking with him. And like I said before when its convenient they trash Amanda.

If hypothetically Keith had married Mary Jo, the Cracker Barrel waitress, they would still be bashing his wife on their own message boards and in private. But since Kidman is a public figure and a megastar they use that to justify posting lies about her all over the internet. Nobody would notice if she wasn't famous. But they lump the internet haters that rag on everyone into their agenda to make it look like they have a huge amount of support. What's so funny is those types online don't know squat about skeptics, and their agenda, Keith Urban or country music. They have nothing to do with them but the skeptics use them (users that they are) to bump up their numbers. Notice how in threads they always comment that all these people agree with them online. Then why dear skeptics are they not joining you on E? Ha! It's the same bunch of haters going on the same sites week after week posting trash just like they do. A miniscule amount like maclen and Choice are just negatively obsessed and fixated with Kidman for whatever reason. Then there's someone like Anna who pretended to be above the level of the E! skeptics but really was no better. That brings the grand total of these idiots to less than 10. What an army!

Anonymous said...

It so easy to pick them out on other sites too.


Many names, a very few haters.

They don't fool anyone!

Anonymous said...

RIGHT ON STS, I should have said KEITH URBAN is allowed to do that. (ya know have a great life!)

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